The Neeewww UFC Heavyweight Champion of the World –Again…
Thank you to all who support me. You gave me strength in the fight. -Cain Velasquez ‏

Fans at the airport welcome new champion Cain Velasquez back home... with mariachis http://youtu.be/KG2dECRNU3w  -UFC ‏

Adult Diapers, Aisle Three
Any establishment that sells diuretics but does not have a bathroom is just cruel #30minuteparkingenforcement -Ronda Rousey ‏

Sounds Like a Threat
@danhardymma when you coming back to vegas let's make some green drinks. I'll give you my bone broth recipe  -Forrest Griffin ‏

And a Time Machine
Someone bring me a zima.  -Scott Jorgensen ‏

 “@Scottjorgensen: Someone bring me a zima.” Haha and a Walkman  -Chris Camozzi ‏

Hot Yoga, It’s Totally Manly, Bro!
Heading to @hyi505 for some hot yoga with @CubSwanson @LilSteveSwanson new year resolution to get more flexible in my old age -Isaac Vallie-Flagg ‏

Nature or Nurture?
Why is she so weird? pic.twitter.com/aqpyEer5  -Matt Mitrione ‏

What About Unicorns?
Found this carved into the wood at my seat in a sushi restaurant im eating at http://instagr.am/p/UCwW00w0kB/  -Rory MacDonald ‏

More Atypical Graffiti
This is the kind of bathroom graffiti I like to see. pic.twitter.com/CSwFjCZY  -Amir Sadollah ‏

Guaranteed Awesome
Coming Jan 22 to FX http://bit.ly/ZYj3xm  -Dana White

Or Just Hungry
If I said I want to go to Sandwich Island, would you think I was crazy? #FactOfFiction  -Dan Hardy ‏

Like How You Roll, Mitch
I have a briefcase full of tacos, that's not a metaphor for anything, I just like tacos  -Mitch Clarke ‏

But He’s Not Wrong
I once heard @seanshelby say that "styles don't make fights, he & Joe Silva make fights". #cocky #ufc #mma  -Kenny Florian ‏

Senior Discount Hookups, Bro!
Since I started to go to mass in the mornings, the average age of my new homies is significantly higher. -Danny Castillo

Way Better than, “I’m Clumsy”
#StoryBehindMyScar This crazy Brazilian got the best of me  -Cub Swanson

The Culmination of Your Life’s Work
Haven't had any partial nude toilet pics lately. I'm sorry for letting you guys down. Expect a zombie themed toilet pic soon. You're welcome -Daron Cruickshank ‏

Future “Cage Fighter”
Father of the year award http://instagr.am/p/T7QhLczFmE/ -Ian McCall ‏

That Catch-Phrase is so 2012!
@benfowlkesMMA @dannyboydownes I know, Bro. I know. Just let me bang, ok, bro? -Julie Kedzie ‏

You’ll Never Get in Tweets of the Week with Lame Tweets like…
Yo what's happening everybody!!! -Stipe Miocic ‏